The Quest Of Our Dark, Tormented Souls

I think around 18, the idea was to get to establish what elements of my character I wanted to have/keep/nurture. These of course would later be modified from whatever events would take place and might require a readjustment of reaction standards on my part. Basically, around that time I was flexible and wanted to reach to people so that we could have an understanding of who is who and what we want from ourselves. Looking at it now, it seems awfully optimistic. Which is another take on "naive" I suppose.

At 22, now, I think it's safe to say not a shit is given anymore. I think everyone has ran out of whatever willpower for self-introspection they ever were to have (unless they truly fuck up in which case they might bother to do some self analysis) and no one is really interested in being particularly understood. ~Oh and the world will never understand~. But yeah. We might be interested in being seen as something (but that will be limited to sexy and/or funny and/or rich and/or manly) but not understood as who we are.

All this in a space of four years. Who knows what assholes we will be in another fours years. I think us young people have an immortality complex cause we change so fast (and towards something less and less heroic every time) that we can't possibly fathom living to be old when our mindsets and hearts are already decrepit from indulging to all kinds of easy shit. Shit that doesn't require but a minimum to no self worth. Because let's not fool ourselves for once: "easy" isn't "bad" because it indicates low quality about the thing it characterizes; it's negative because it indicates the one who goes for it doesn't need have any worth. There's a reason the traditional knight slays a dragon. I doubt it has to do as much with the dragon being evil as with the knight proving his WORTH. That he is not just a peasant with a sword. But a DOVAHKIIN. That's it. Fuck all you degenerates. I'll go play Skyrim for ten hours.

The Quest Of Our Dark, Tormented Souls by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

News Of The Past

Two years have passed since the time I was blogging on a weekly basis. All this time I consciously haven't reread my posts. In fact, heh, I am somewhat cringing in the thought of doing this now, not because of what they are but because of whom they reached. So what happened?

Back then Internet was my outlet. A new place to find myself. In the beginning this worked fine. Facebook more than anything became a way to meet new people. Create a new social circle. Everything online was done in order for a new reality to take place; not the already established to go on as it was. In other words, my online activity started as a means to get away from real life relationships that had gone to shit. I don't think I ever perceived the web as a SOLUTION to anything. However, at the time I was willing to give it a chance. I think back before online social activity was considered something everyone casually does and it was in its early stages towards becoming the mega profit monster business it is now there were many people who thought like me. "Hm I might give this a shot. It seems like a fresh way to connect with people who might have the same interests. Who knows."

And then, two years ago, I found myself in the exact same place -only this time I wanted to escape from the online acquaintances. Unfortunately real life and online life blur and they blurred a lot in my case, since many people with whom we were all super-amazing-fucking-badasses-holy-shit-aren't-we-cool online, I got to meet in less than idyllic circumstances in real life much later. Actually, the problem -and I was very aware that this was a problem and it would lead to more problems- was my online etiquette. Virtually no experience with how facebook socializing would turn out to work made me accept friend requests of people I had no particular interest in getting to know and knew I never would. The reason I accepted was my retarded courtesy since they were friends of friends who were relevant. I suppose I should have ignored said friend requests. But then again who knows who might have been butthurt and what other drama might have developed because of facebook of all things. So, one after the other I started accepting requests from people I'd heard about from people I actually knew.

Either way, once you start accepting a persona non grata here and another one there, you soon enough find yourself faking your way with people you borderline dislike. Does this sound conceited? Does it sound arrogant? Well, fuck me sideways if I care! :D ! After all I'm the one who ended up meeting friends of friends who had me "all figured out" by my online activity. And that's the problem. Generally when you meet someone, you have the option to invest in having them know you. However, if it's not just some random person but someone who "knows" you from what second hand information they've heard about you and your ...online activity (!) then there just might be an issue with ever getting to properly know each other. There are just too many preconceptions. Of course, all this is highly personal since the people -> I <- met and the circumstances -> I <- met them in were shit. "Ho ho let me introduce you to my friends" was a major disappointment and I couldn't have reacted in any other way than *silence* once I actually did reluctantly meet the "friends of friends" and quite frankly we couldn't be more different if we tried. Hell, at some point I even got the paranoid idea we WERE trying to be as incompatible as possible. Yes, that bad.

But why was that such a big issue to me? Why didn't I just lol my way out of that social inconvenience and never think about any of it again?
Because. Oh because, because. Because aside from meeting the most incompatible fuck ups possible in a social context where we were all expected to get along, I also met them while I was in a foreign country, where I knew no one and ballsily stayed for a period of a few months for a very specific reason which is another story that had NOTHING to do with them, FUCK, I NEVER WANTED TO MEET THEM, SHIT, WHY DID I. lol. yes, oh so lol.

So let me rephrase with the timeline of this bullshitery:

1. Accepted friend requests of friends of friends online.

2. Knew we had about 0 things in common in reality and there wasn't a way to get around this other than very rare half-assed facebook comments and likes on each other's page.

3. Quite fastly found myself in a network of strangers -to me- who knew each other well.

4. Sudden -> unwanted <- attention to my online activity, including this blog.

Let me explain something here, cause I heard this too (among other faggotries) from one of the strangers/friends of friends when they made a reference to something I had written here.

So, I meet this person blah blah blah they say something about my writing here. I express mild amazement that they are aware of this blog. "Well, DUH, you had it on fb!". At the time, my facebook had been deleted for a year and this blog hadn't been updated for over a year, by the way. I still have to say that it is somewhat strange to meet someone in person and then having them reference something you wrote in a site that you hadn't previously discussed with them. It's kinda creeper status actually. Or I seriously, SERIOUSLY had underestimated facebook "networking" once again. I mean to me it still was irrelevant to hear criticism from someone I just met about something they found out about me from my (long deleted) facebook. Anyway, my reaction to this was "lol, ha ha, yeah". At the same time, the reaction in my head was "oh. You found out from facebook. Which I have long deleted to avoid creepers like you. Nice". And here's my question. Was there any way to try to reason with someone like that? Really? Like what , go like "ho ho, you have this all figured out wrong. You see, since you JUST MET me, you DON'T KNOW me. Ho, ho."
Which only proves how tremendous of a mistake it was to accept friend requests from people I normally would most definitely have not if they weren't a friend's-friend-that-I-might-some-day-meet-in-that-foreign-country-I-have-0-contacts. It must be mind blowing to them that I didn't make facebook posts even considering THEY would be reading them, since I never thought about them in the first place.

5. Deleted social networking accounts/ took a break from blogging.
6. Meeting them years after that short lived facebook "socializing", over a year fb had been deleted, just to regret ever having to do anything with them in the first place, long after it was an established fact that our paths crossing -even in the online world- was a mistake.

The bottomline is that even though I haven't been active online for years, I recently had a series of retarded encounters with brain damaged people who had certain ideas from whatever online activity I had -and they had access to- years ago. So, let this be a heads up to anyone who is considering to weed out acquaintances from their online social network: do it.


This is starting to be quite a long rant. And they really can't read and think for that long. Or do that specific multitask in general, for that matter. Because, you see, once they find out I'm blogging again, they'll flock back again. Probably to dig out another ancient post and psychoanalyze me oh so successfully.

This is directed to 5-6 people total: The shit you've been spreading like your std's have spread around. If we ever meet (again) -hopefully not-, you'll catch the full volume of this FUCK YOU.


P.S. ^.^ future posts will include positive news of this past couple of years, but since this fuckery has been quite recent, I might as well flush it out of my system like the big shit it is, first.

News Of The Past by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.