In The Beginning Was A Dick Move -DoSu'10

I should have been updating all you stalkers out there, but there was no time to do shit during the actual days of the douchebaggery project...
So, let the narration begin~

Day 1
In what would be remembered by future generations as a dick move, I never went to the airport. However, stalker international managed to locate me two hours after landing in my homeland.
My First impression (after an annoying tap on the shoulder): this isn't a dwarfish midget after all.
His First impression (after a haha-gotcha tap on the shoulder): this isn't flat. BOOBS.
After important facts such as my boobs turning around the corner before me and douchebag American being tall enough to appreciate enough degrees of arc from most spots of the horizon were scientifically established, I believe we started talking about all sorts of retarded shit we didn't really care about such as: how were the flights, where the fuck was I, what a rip-off exchanging money at the airport is, it's fucking hot, England sucks (to which a "sorry Dave" was added each time) etc. On our way, I offered some Devils and a Gordon's. That is official cigarettes and alkoholic beverage of vacations in Greece just cause I like them.
After ditching a couple of 10 months pregnant, with clothes that were surprisingly already stinky, bags at my dinky and after that stinky apartment, caveman took a shower ("I can't believe from all the things I could forget, I forgot the deodorant!" , "...shiiiiiiit") and we were out on our way for food. During food time, I think we were both observing the alien in front of us while continuing to talk (in these 20 days I don't think there ever was silence for more than 3 minutes when we were both awake; then again I don't think we ever properly slept ->"pass out" is more suitable). And later on climbed up on a spot where we had a good view of the Parthenon. I think we talked about mythology and then parents perhaps finding a link in the mythological gods or the mythological monsters theme.


View of the Parthenon from where we were sitting.



View of the Parthenon (special Olympics edition).

For whatever reason, we decided to walk all the way back to the trollhouse. My house that is. Paranormal activity involving a dog I've only seen once before, about a year ago, took place that night. I think that this dog is a messenger of some sort, but such shit just sounds retarded unless you've experienced it, so I won't elaborate. No one was bitten and we didn't bite anyone. I slept like a rock. Santa Midgetballs on the other hand didn't sleep a lot that night.

Day 2
I think I managed to pass out for like 4 hours before the distinctive fragrance of foreign douchebaggery filled my braindead head and I woke up. I went outside and got some breakfast, thus allowing Captain Tanoukiballs to taste what I usually have for breakfast. Well, it's not like he had many options, but anyway he liked it. Apparently, my taste in cigarettes, booze and food was well received that far, which meant all this wouldn't be awfully uncomfortable for any of us. Anyway, I thought it was about time to act like intellectuals and visit some museums, so we indeed paid a visit to the Acropolis Museum and the Coin Museum,



always walking around with style and elegance.


In the evening, we went to a park
PARK

and started dissing people on facebook who will probably read this. (Just for the record, I only showed less love towards female shitheads -you know who you are, eat shit and.. get fatter MWAHAHA). It is also true that we had some serious conversations dissing larger parts of society and talking about our futures. Once we got tired from dissing everything, we walked around town a bit and climbed up some paedo-rapey hills for a romantic for all the paedo-rapists sunset.

paedo-rapey sunset

Nothing romantic happened, but we did experience a once in a lifetime retarded event, when we witnessed a dog pee on its sitting owner. Wiser and hungrier we came down from the hills of enlightenment with just enough brain power to focus on table manners: Tzatziki sauce for the first time.


Once our HP were back to normal, we were of course ready for more douchebaggery...


To be continued...


In The Beginning Was A Dick Move -DoSu'10 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

Answers To Crazy Basement Dwellers (you) -part II

Who really is the Schismarch?

Is the situation in Greece really as bad as the Media portrays it?

If the Media portrayed anything accurately, it wouldn't be called the Media; it would be called Bloggers United! ;P

From an economic perspective, nobody in Europe is doing well.

The difference here is that people don't quite accept that if Athens has to borrow its total requirements of 53 billion euros this year at current market rates, it would cost AT LEAST an extra 500 million euros a year in debt service charges. We're being raped by interest rates, paying a 12.5% when Germany -Europe's only country that isn't majorly eating shit at the moment- pays less than 3%. After years of political corruption and recent bank bail-outs, the result is that we -along with Portugal, Italy, Spain, Ireland and now Belgium-, owe hundreds of billions. It is estimated that this year, every greek citizen (population: 11.000.000) owes 23.600 euros. Basically, I already owe 23.600 euros and I don't even have any loans -not to mention an income. or a porsche.

Being a member of the European Union and all that jazz means they won't let us go bankrupt because the euro will get fucked if we do. Which means we have to borrow more and more and more at unbelievable rates, making it quite impossible to pay back anytime soon, not to mention that corporations are withdrawing funds from greek banks. In the meantime, austerity measures here include a 10% cut in wages, increased taxes, higher retirement ages and of course an increase in fuel prices. Greeks don't have the mentality of yeah-let's-eat-shit-for-the-following-ten-years-because-our-politicians-failed-miserably-and-we-owe-the-good-people-who-lend-us-money-at-excruciating-rates. So we take it to the streets, rioting and all...

The crisis here became obvious almost half a year ago. That's when we started running around in an effort to do bond deals with other european countries -which basically means Germany because everyone in Europe knows that Germany is the one who calls the shots. Germans didn't want to be arsed, basically saying that we screwed up and it's not their problem. That makes sense, only it doesn't because in a union such as the european, if one country gets screwed, they all will eventually, one after the other. Now, 6 months later, germans are starting to realise this and wish to lend us money, only it's kinda late. The euro is starting to get fucked and the financial problems here are much more difficult to be solved than they were 6 months ago, because that's the way things work in economy: you have to react fast, or the situation dramatically changes from one day to another.

-What the fuck do we do now?

Greece cannot devalue its currency or print money because we gave up those sovereign powers to the European Central Bank, upon becoming a member of the euro-zone. So, foreign economists suggest getting out of the euro-zone. If we get out of the euro zone, and therefore go back to the old currency (and therefore GO BANKRUPT) we will starve. As simple as that.
Not that there's any way to control the downfall in a worldwide scale even if we were left to starve on our own: all of the countries central banks are printing money (Euro, UK, US etc.) as they are engaged in continuous competitive devaluations of their currencies. In other words, economy can only be understood as a global phenomenon and shitty economy even more so.

Basically, there's no solution, I predict all four riders of the apocalypse throwing a party over Europe's remains, capitalism dying, and me becoming a farmer girl growing potatoes.

Answers To Crazy Basement Dwellers (you) -part II by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Greece License.