Caterpillar With Butterfly Wings

It took me 10 years of being a 65% asexual, 6 years of being a deluded partly due to hormones
and partly due to misleading myths -generously provided by parents/ friends/ movies- teen and 4 years of working as a shit distributing ditcher/ ditched dysfunctional young adult to finalize my theory on the behaviour of the sexes. The results of this ambitious empirical project are:

1) Men can not understand women.

2) Women can not understand men.

3) Anyone in between understands both, but it usually takes them too long to figure out themselves.

There is no solution. -You lose.

There is no cure. -You die.

There are no secrets, no tips, no promising methods.

There isn't even perversion, because there is no "normal" behaviour.

If , however, I had to make some definite remarks, those would have to be:

• Men get bored by women as easily as they get intimidated by them, even though they hardly ever know what they want.
  
• Women try too hard even though they never know what they want.
  
• I'm sorry for all you ugly motherfuckers out there, looks DO matter. BUT->
  
• No matter if you look like the two-headed retard product of incest, you're still in ~the game~ as long as you keep in mind that good hygiene is very, very, VERY important.
  
• Women just HAVE to shave.
  
• People shouldn't be wasting brain cells philosophizing about what they like and why they like it because you always end up liking the exact opposite sooner or later. They should however state to the idiot standing in front of them, how long they are willing to put an effort to the whole process, from the very beginning of the attempted approach that will hopefully lead to the degeneration of the idiot. Also known as romantic relationship in its best form.
  
• It's quite impressive that we make things more complicated than maths considering that in the end of the day, we all are breathing, walking, problematic shitbags with the same insecurities and more or less the same issues. Our fucked up-o-meter should be the thing to unite us in the moments of uncertainty and awkwardness about how to approach each other. We should begin conversations with icebreakers like "man, I feel fat as shit today because ____(<-insert insecurity/ cause of depression) has fucked me up and now I sometimes have this do-or-die urge to eat sweets with more calories than my I.Q. multiplied by itself will ever be... plus, going to the gym doesn't make me feel healthier -it just feels like I'm torturing the fatass in me", "I want a rebound partner to recover from my previous abusive relationship and I want him/her NOW", "sometimes I get so disappointed by people that I think I should paint smiley faces on my toe nails, so that I can have some understanding and accomplished individuals in my life" or "occassionally I spend so much time online that by the time I finally log out, I'm convinced I'll soon have to be watered twice a week". In fact I believe this could solve many problems.
• No matter how good you are at expressing yourself and generally speaking knowing what the fuck is going on with yourself, most of us are worse than babies: we don't know if we're hot or cold, hungry or thirsty~> in love on in lust, in lust or have a crush, have a crush or are in love, are genuinely attracted to the other person or just bored as fuck.
  
• I have to invent an emotional thermometer that will be defining what exactly it is that people are feeling. This will make me a billionaire and then I'll be adopting children from Africa or Asia. Most probably I'll adopt no one though and just spend it all in pointless purchases with little hope of changing the world for the best.
  
• In life -let alone in relations-, it's not about being clever, shrewd or dumb as fuck. It's not about being daring or being a pussy. It's not about being an optimist or a pessimist. It's not about S or M. It's about being a "never" or an "always" person.

According to this latest bullshit theory of mine, the main distinction between people my age, nowadays, is this:

"Never" (AGAIN) people are the heavily disappointed misanthropes who at some point unfairly -according to them- ate shit and declare that they will "NEVER, EVER" do something again.

"Always" people are the heavily disappointed misanthropes who at some point unfairly -according to them- ate shit and declare that from now on they will always have a certain mentality/ attitude; a take all, maim all and fuck all cosmotheory.

In other words, everyone has been fucked over by pretty much everyone else, but the difference is that "never" people shut down in a persistently depressive manner and reduce everything to shit by choosing to keep a distance from the main events experience so far has proven to be the highlights of social life, whereas "always" people reduce everything to shit by accepting e v e r y t h i n g to the extreme. Overpartying both metaphorically and literally speaking.

That being said, I'm not sure this really is about two different categories. I think it's two subsequent phases, "always" being the stage of the deadly disease called life, that follows "never". So, it's Never-> Always for the more stubborn and a vicious circle of never and always for the indecisive.

Personally I'm somewhere in between those two phases, still having some nevers left, but an overkill attitude as well. I kinda feel like a caterpillar with butterfly wings. Freaky mutation released to cruelly reject, but also chase pleasure for the sake of it.

Having "nevers" means one is self-contradictory because at some point you're doomed to cross those personal lines. Besides, if you've done it in the past, you've already pushed the repeat button subconsciously... or frankly are not strong enough to not push it later on.

The "always" overkills on the other hand are a fast way to self-destruction, which for the religious can be translated as "fast way to HELL".

My advice to all of you out there? Burn bitches. Burn and let others burn, BUT try not to "burn" others.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN3fF2wRGK0


~Bonus Feature~
Never/ Always Quiz

IF

• reading this made you think of old flames/ exes / disastrous past relationships and what you should have done/ said or what-to-dos regarding present crushes, and also got you in a melancholic mood
• you were offended by the language used
• you predict a long, hard road ahead of me but can't be arsed to warn me

...........

YOU ARE THE NEVER TYPE.

IF

• you think everything mentioned in this post was an enormous, gigantic, colossal pile of shit and already are on your way to get more booze

...........

YOU ARE THE ALWAYS TYPE.

Caterpillar With Butterfly Wings by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.

I Love Soy Meat Balls-which-are-not-really-meat-balls-because-they-have-no-meat-but-saying-"soy-balls"-doesn't-somehow-sound-right.

There are some questions that leave a lot to imagination (like where a mermaid's vagina is), some that just don't have an answer (like what to do when seeing an endangered animal eating an endangered plant) and some that just can't be explained (like why is it that people blow and spit on birthday-cakes, yet everyone wants a piece). There are situations though, when you just can't remember a word/phrase or simply don't know it. If that is the case you either choose the full body language pack of retarded gestures hoping your sex appeal won't suffer major blows, or go like "hey-where's-that-long-handled-device-thingy-you-saw-me-holding-yesterday?"
"what, this?" (offers a spatula)
"no, I said the long one."
"aah, this." (offers a rave glow stick)
"no, the plastic one."
"ah, this." (offers a dildo)
"...WTF! No, the one I use to scratch my back with."
"aah, you mean the back-scratcher."
...(so that's what it's called)...

During this period of the year when you're supposed to be buying Christmas presents for your beloved ones and sending cards to members of your b-class social circles, I become somewhat lazy and stupefied by the horror of having to go to malls to battle crazy mothabitches for the last item on sales. So, getting out of the house means I'm either out of food supplies, or want to not contribute in the population growth and therefore do participate in a protected exchange of bodily fluids (SEX). Even though chances were that I would not encounter any english-speaking tourists (whose last hope to find whatever they want is me), while hovering around my house and finding a million ways to do nothing, my living space (old ass apartment) was recently invaded by a couple of friends of friends for a few days. Now, "friends of friends" means this ship is bound for shit in most languages when combined with "living with". But. I'm always nice to my fellow humans if there's even the slightest possibility someone else is going to do the washing/cleaning/cooking happy-servant (adult) chores.

The guys were ace and the semi-decrepit dwelling of mine did not really suffer any drastic uncontrolled demolitions for the better part of our coexistence. Yet, there were technical difficulties. Basically, no one spoke each other's language. One thing we did have in common though, was that english isn't even our second language. I don't speak italian (one of them was italian, the other a half-italian who doesn't live in Italy), they didn't speak greek, shit was lost all the time and then found by accident, many curse words are common in italian and greek and YET we somehow managed to communicate by not swearing at each other (that would have been the only way to be exactly sure of what the other person was saying). Latin, ancient greek, italian-english, lines from porno movies, hell even tolkien words were used to make sure we all knew what we were going to cook and where we were trying to drive to.

I guess the moral of the whole experience is that as long as people need to eat/shit and socialize the means of communication REALLY don't matter. And yes, food will be burned, people might think you're not hitting on them (when in fact you are, but are saying "musical" instead of "good-looking") and work will not by any means get done. Human relationships are not grammar tests though: you might fail horribly in both grammar and syntax and yet pass the test. ;)

I Love Soy Meat Balls-which-are-not-really-meat-balls-because-they-have-no-meat-but-saying-"soy-balls"-doesn't-somehow-sound-right. by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.