There IS one kind of alien species inhabiting the planet. This is something you have been taught as a first grader and should never forget. Depending on what's in
your pants, either boys (blue, triangle pointing down, star wars) or girls (pink, triangle pointing up, the ones who get to wear the opposite sex's clothes without being called gay) are intergalactic travellers. Of course things get more complicated when what's in your pants starts craving for what's in other people's pants, but the idea is that there is not a more absolute contrast than the one of male vs female. And really: moral judgements like good/bad are outdated. Once upon a time, stealing someone's wife was bad. Now eating sugar is bad. Go figure. The whole light vs darkness concept when taken literally is not much of a big ass dramatic conflict either, cause when something's been scientifically studied for a long long time that basically means it can be controlled by human. So yeah, switch off the lights and -oh my- you have darkness. Boring. The old vs young opposites? Just predictable moments lost in a timeless cycle. No mystery, no charm. But.
Every other antithesis has been used to describe Male vs Female.
Once I was asked what love is. I think I gave almost every cliche answer there is mainly because I didn't know the person very well back then -and didn't bother coming up with something remotely original- and also because I had no fucking clue what it is. The same way porn industry makes people have high expectations from their partners, romantic films/songs and all that jazz make people have a Titanic-like image of true love in their minds. It'd be reassuring to say that this is only till they get used and abused and do their part of emotional rape as well, but I think that deep down everyone has a utopian idea of the "real" deal. The same way getting fucked over (but not really letting it get to you) is not even close to as bad as getting mindfucked, falling in love is waaay better than falling in lust. States of mind are always more powerful. Still, the classic definitions like "unconditional affection" don't seem too legit to me. Nothing's unconditional. If you hate someone you
demand them to hate you back and be a prick. If you love someone you
demand them to love you back. Extreme emotions are all about giving and receiving or else they can't last. Even if you just love yourself, you have high expectations from yourself; expectations that justify your narcissism.
Sexual attraction is the first step. Attachment is when we really start getting at something. There's an unbelievable diversity of the meanings and uses of the word "love"and a huge amount of complications that are based on each individual. Complexes nurtured by social environment/ experiences that we all drag around. So, the attachment phase is the most problematic. Yes, we all are superduper sex machines, but I
dare you to look at yourself in the mirror and say that you are not afraid of falling in love. The moment you start caring for something, the probability of the whole situation backfiring becomes a possibility. If you care, you get hurt when something goes wrong. And something going wrong has to do with
what's right in your head. What YOU think the other person should be like. What YOU think the relationship should be like. Can anyone be objective about what or whom they like?
When the party's over and the first rays of morninglight hit the scenery, things don't look as shiny or fresh as they did when you were living la vida loca. Yet, even if when cranky and with bloodshot eyes someone's there to help you with the aftermath, the cleaning, that's what it's all about. Love IS the one who stays after the party is over. The one who looks equally as shitty as you, but will grab a mop and bucket to help while bitching for the lack of coffee. Life's a party after all...
Someone told me that love and all that it connotes is NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER AFTER ALL (I believe a "for fuck's sake" was added for emphasis too). Even though that person sounds suspiciously enough like me, my approach to this is actually a bit different. Love may not be Alpha and Omega, but your behaviour in all of this DOES define you as a person. It IS an important enough category to indicate your success as an individual. And quite frankly, it should be the easiest one to succeed in weren't we all brainwashed about what's to like and what's not. That being said, I personally have a ridiculous list of standards. I have always dated good-looking, smart and either funny or amusing people. The point is that each relation's ending was a spectacular kaboom of emotions and shit like that blowing up and semi-handicapping all parties involved.
I think that for a relation to be successful and satisfying for both parties two things are basically necessary: Liking and disliking the other person exactly as much as they like/dislike you and respecting each other. For whatever reason I never like the other person as much as they like me. Or maybe it's just that my way of liking someone is fundamentally different from what's common. I don't call three thousand times. I don't care if the other person doesn't call three thousand times either. I don't need to be with them every day. I don't care about the other person cheating. In my words "if you think it's worth it, then do it". But that's not healthy. It just means I don't respect them enough to take offense or care enough to give a flying fuck about what they do anyway.
Never caring for anyone means never depending on anyone only when the way you care is abnormal anyway, still this lifestyle works for me.
I realise all this sounds too dramatic and naive for a 20 year old person, but frankly I don't see any older and more "experienced" people doing any better. Actually, I think that getting fed up and disgusted with all this bullshit and reaching a state of apathy -that's very useful as basic survival skills- at a young age is a plus. People who still don't know what they're looking for and still get disappointed in their 30s, 40s and 50s are pathetic. Sure, it's possible I might fall in love two days from now and be embarrassed about writing this. But what's a fact is that I don't know anyone who either was or is in a relationship and didn't have to be spoonfed incredible amounts of shit. And yes, there is love in many of those cases. But in all of them there is torture. LAWLZ.
My generally speaking not caring about a lot of things has its roots in too many factors. Demystifying too many things too early for example. I used to want to somehow fix a fucked up situation. Now watching it go kaboom amuses me actually. And that's why it's relatively difficult for me to be seriously interested in anyone right now. Love is not fighting against things, like I do and always have been doing. It's fighting
for something. And I don't believe enough in it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRVrQsdWDdsP.S. Still, if you look good enough we can play monopoly or something. naked.
P.S. This shit's retarded. Next entry's gonna be about SEX.
There's a Miss America, a Miss World, a Miss Universe and there's that girl I MISS. And she beat them all... by
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