2011

Seems like a good day to GO KICK ASS!











14 February 2010

Sunday, February 14th.

I just realised what Sunday, February 14th means.



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Sunday, February 14th. by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Greece License.

11 February 2010

Book That Explains Everything -Chapter about lovey-doveys etc.


Body Language

The kind of crap you pay attention to when your wimpiness makes you ignore option a) which is translating what you really think and voicing it. As in: verbal communication. As in: speak GODDAMMIT. As in: "I like you" *blush*... "A lot" *eternal embarrassment*.

Compliment
Apart from dinner and movie tickets it's something else guys have to pay. The problem is that girls don't accept it very well (geez, a "thank you" and perhaps finding something nice to say to the other person would suffice instead of "oh no, I am too fat/ugly/hideous -she looks hotter.. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER"). If the girl is not in fact a visual abomination, guys should avoid making generic compliments about eyes, hair and the like. Pay her a more personal compliment, something which applies only to her.

Falling in love
If you are a guy->
If you are a guy, you are basically surrounded by dozens of vaginas which are equally intriguing and tempting. If there comes the day when one of them becomes more intriguing and interesting -and continues to stay so-, you are practically in love.

If you are a girl->
If you are a girl, falling in love means that you have found the person who has the most ticks in your guy-must-have list/ are plain stupid and have been convinced that ~he~ is your hero/ are desperate enough to ignore the fact that he isn't.

(True) Friendship
All questions can be answered with "fuck off". The fact that all questions are not in fact answered with "fuck off" has to do with the person that asks and not with the content of the question. Well, that's my definition of true friends anyway: the individuals who will not under any circumstance get a seriously intended "fuck off" -or a silence that implies that-, as an answer.

Girl
Someone who makes you waste valuable time thinking about what could they possibly mean by saying/doing this and that. You usually have to come up with a plan to find out while simultaneously not looking like a noob. Most of the time we say/do things just to see your reactions or the lack of them. So, it's a mutual agreement of "I-am-going-to-give-you-the-chance-to-look-like-the-knight-in-shining-armour-without-really-expecting-you-to-prove-you-are-one/I-will-totally-take-advantage-of-this-opportunity-to-show-what-a-manly-yet-capable-of-dealing-with-emotional-situations-man-I-am".

antonym: it really depends on the girl and the boy, but more often than not the antonym is "boy".
Boy
Has a penis.

Relationship
Depending on the length of time you haven't gotten laid it can mean:
a) coexistence with another kinda similar to you multicellular organism with whom you take up common activities and sports which require physical capabilities, team effort and fair play -like sex-.
b) finding someone to regularly have one-night stands with.

Romanticism
When you smile, stammer, stutter and generally speaking show signs of mild retardation that create a lethal for diabetics sweetness in the atmosphere. It's o.k. to make fun of your friends when they are in that mood, but make sure you don't leave visual evidence (like retarded poetry and other artwork you consider to be a sign of ~LOVE~) for future generations to laugh at. Also, avoid tattooing the name etc. of your ~true love~ cause you'll have 15 names tattooed on you by the time you reach thirty.

Urban legends about love

"Bad" Boy Vs "Good" Boy
Inexperienced people will definitely vote for the bad boy. Indeed, it's easy to fall for a guy who has the rock-star quality of being able to make the other person obsess with them. But. When the roles are reversed and the girl ends up being the predator...well, that can't work for either party for too long.
The "good" guy on the other hand is more like the calm, stable force. Maybe not someone spectacular at first, but even thought it's the bad guy who most of the time gets the girl, the good guy is the one who keeps it. After all, what we all hold as essential in any type of relationship is reliability and trustworthiness.

Girls gossip 24/7
Unfair statement. Guys gossip as much and in a rather more gentleman..less-like manner.

Personality Over Looks
..yeaaah...if you really are the intellectual type.
->Looks Over Personality
Hell, even if you ARE the intellectual type, even if maths DOES explain everything to you, there's no doubt that a geometrically perfect butt will move you. When people can choose between french fries and french fries with a dressing the choice is obvious. When people can choose between a smart person and a person both smart AND good-looking, the choice is even more obvious.

Size
First of all I seriously think that all the size related issues are guys's complexes (of guys, by guys, for guys). We don't really walk around looking for donkey-dick guys. And when analysing all the boudoir details with our friends (cause that's an undeniable fact), we emphasize more on the process than on anatomical jewels. The bottom line is that it's not about whether it's long, shines in the dark, or has flower prints. It's about whether it's of any use at all.

Valentine's Day
A bad day to commit suicide since everyone will automatically assume your love life highlights include naming your right/left palm Megan Fox and stalking people who ignore your existence.
Also. It's in two days and ALL of you bitches better remember me!



P.S. If you have any suggestions about other words that need to be defined in the Book That Explains Everything, leave a comment and I will shed some light on them.


Creative Commons License
Book That Explains Everything -Chapter about lovey-doveys etc. by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.