Seems like a good day to GO KICK ASS!

25 August 2010


Tragedy struck in the form of exams.

Further updates when I'm done with this #$!@^&*!!!

T.T by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

19 August 2010

Meteora -DoSu'10

UNESCO World Heritage List Criteria:


I. To represent a masterpiece of human creative genius. -> CHECK
II. To exhibit an important interchange of human values, over a span of time or within a cultural area of the world, on developments in architecture or technology, monumental arts, town planning or landscape design. -> CHECK
IV. To be an outstanding example of a type of building, architectural or technological ensemble, or landscape which illustrates (a) significasnt stage(s) in human history. -> CHECK
V. To be an outstanding example of a human settlement, land-use or sea-use which is representative of a culture (or cultures) or human interaction with the environment, especially when it has become vulnerable under the impact of irreversible change. -> CHECK

VII. To contain superlative natural phenomena or areas of exceptional natural beauty and aesthetic importance. -> CHECK

= Μετέωρα/ Meteora

In the north western part of Thessaly/Θεσσαλία, the part of Greece from where a band of heroes called the Argonauts/Αργοναύτες -because their ship was named Argo/Αργώ-, including:

  • Jason/Ιάσων: Leader of the Argonauts and prince of Thessaly who was challenged by his treacherous uncle, who had usurped the throne, to retrieve the Golden Fleece, a sacred relic, and thus prove he is worthy of the throne.

  • Hercules/Ηρακλής: Demigod most famous for successfully completing 12 über difficult labours as a form of penance.

  • Theseus/Θησέας: Legendary founder-king of Athens who slayed the Minotaur, a half-man half-bull beast who at 9 year intervals devoured 7 athenian boys and 7 athenian girls as a blood tax because Cretans had pawned the Athenians at war.

  • Castor/Κάστωρ and Pollux/Πολυδεύκης: Badass hunter twin brothers only one of whom was immortal (Pollux). Such was the brotherly love that when Castor was fatally wounded in a battle, Pollux asked Zeus to give Castor half of his immortality... Zeus made them the two brightest stars of the stellar constellation known as ..Gemini.

  • Orpheus/Ορφέας: Son of the muse Calliope/Καλλιόπη (the muse of heroic poetry -Homer's muse), A+ class singer and perfecter of the lyre. Such an awesome pimp indeed that he could divert the course of rivers with his music, not to mention the fact that he went to the underworld (because his songs about his wife's (Eurydice/Ευρυδίκη)death were so sad that made gods weep and allow him to travel to the underworld to try and get her back; he indeed managed to soften with his music the heart of Hades who agreed to let both of them go only if Orpheus would walk in front of her and not look back until they were both on the upper world ..he looked back the moment he got on the upper world and lost her forever) and returned.

  • Calais/Καλάις and Zetes/Ζήτης: Known as the Boreads, sons of Boreas, the north wind, they had the ability to fly and engaged in dogfights with the harpies.

  • Peleus/Πηλέας: King of the Myrmidons and father of Achilles.
set sail to retrieve the Golden Fleece/χρυσόμαλλον δέρας (= fleece of a gold-haired, winged ram; it's story is current to the times of Homer) according to ancient greek mythology,
a complex of towering rocks (a now renowned international venue for rock climbing)
with byzantine monasteries built on top of them, is known as
"Meteora" (=suspended in the air).

The first hermits came to Meteora in the 9nth century and in the centuries to follow a monastic state formed, monasteries were built and beautified (24 originally, only 6 remain today) and a period of prosperity when Code Writing schools operated enabling educated monks to copy handwritten codes came prior to a period of decline when Meteora where turned into places of exile for those who were convicted by the Ottoman government (by the way, one must stress the importance of orthodox christianity institutions during the ottoman oppression, because hehe the greek language was preserved along with the orthodox faith inside the monasteries, an important factor to making sure Greeks kept their national consciousness through 400 years of oppression).
The original means of access to the monasteries, were either long ladders lashed together or large nets -> "the net in which intrepid pilgrims were hoisted up vertically alongside the 373 meters cliff where the Varlaam monastery dominates the valley symbolizes the fragility of a traditional way of life that is threatened with extinction" [UNESCO]. In 1995, Meteora were declared by state law "a place holy, immutable and inviolable"...

We spent two days exploring the area and visited the "Great Meteoron", the oldest monastery, which was founded in the mid-14nth century and flourished in the mid-16nth century, eventually becoming the most powerful of all the monasteries in Meteora.

typical byzantine -and orthodox christian for that matter- art
byzantine art
"ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

I really enjoyed this trip, however, it has to be stated that the holy vibes didn't quite affect us on our first night at Kalambaka (the town closer to Meteora), since we made sure we will be remembered for a while there, by basically being two loud Asians strutting around the town center.. one of them in an improvised mankini... *sigh* ...I wasn't even drunk. Both fortunately and unfortunately, photographic material of this doesn't exist. I think it was way too early for me to feel at ease with my co-traveller's massive amount of social retardation...
Of course later on, running in a birthday suit on rooftops somewhere in the industrial zone of Hamburg would take place. That time, I would be the one provoking it. And photographic evidence does exist...

To be continued...

Meteora -DoSu'10 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

14 August 2010

Ancient, Mutilated, Hauled And Still There When You Croak -DoSu'10

~~~Doric Order~~~~~~~~Ionic Order~~~~Corinthian Order~~

Ημέρα τρίτη
Day 3 started with an important for our future coexistence spoken exchange of thoughts.
me: Honey, would you like going out for a walk?
~da honey~: Not really.
me: I need to take a dump.
~da honey~: O.K. THEN.

Oh, yeah, that was actually said.
In the morning, we went to strike some poses in front of 438 BC ruins, AKA the Parthenon/ Παρθενώνας, and the Acropolis area in general.

.. noob tourist taking our photo somehow managed to make part of the Parthenon invisible
420- 410 BC, 2.30 m tall, marble chicks/ Καρυάτιδες
←↑ Ionic Order
↓ Doric Order

Parthenon, one of world's most impressive and well known cultural monuments and a symbol of ancient Greece's trademarks such as democracy=

a) freedom of speech
+ b) all men have equal rights in expressing themselves
+ c) all men are treated equally by law

and the ideals of order and harmony in architecture,
was designed by architects Iktinos/ Ικτίνος and Kallikrates/ Καλλικράτης and built under the supervision of scultor Phidias/ Φειδίας (the dude who made the statue of Zeus at Olympia, one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world) in the mid-5th century BC. The 5th century BC was a super glorious period of philosophical brilliance and a high point in the development of political institutions and arts. Classical Athens, a powerful city-state and the birthplace of democracy, was the shit in the Mediterranean world and generally speaking "the western civilizations" chapter back in the day, cause of its heritage of political and cultural achievements. The Parthenon's construction began in 447 BC at the initiative of badass politician Pericles/ Περικλής

(who like me had a hugeass head and therefore always wore a helmet when posing for sculptures -true fact) and was completed in 438 BC, but decorations continued until 431 BC. Perfect timing I say, because no matter how awesome Parthenon with it's reverse optical illusions (-> the columns are neither built straight, on purpose, nor on the same level, yet with certain optical illusions, those effects are negated) and symbolic blah blah meaning is, there would have been significant budget cuts since the Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta (and their bitches/ allies) began in 431 BC. Not to mention an epidemic typhus outbreak in Athens, in 430 BC.


[...] "For Elgin's fame thus grateful Pallas pleads,
Below, his name--above, behold his deeds!
Be ever hailed with equal honour here
The Gothic monarch and the Pictish peer:
Arms gave the first his right, the last had none,
But basely stole what less barbarians won.
So when the Lion quits his fell repast,
Next prowls the Wolf, the filthy Jackal last:
Flesh, limbs, and blood the former make their own,
The last poor brute securely gnaws the bone.
Yet still the Gods are just, and crimes are crossed:
See here what Elgin won, and what he lost"...
- Lord Byron

Thomas Bruce, 7nth earl of Elgin, was the British ambassador to the Ottoman Empire from 1799 to 1803 (since the fall of the

Byzantine Empire, Greece was pretty much Turkey's bitch / "under ottoman rule" , until 1821 when Greek revolutionaries declared what was to become a bloody, successful war of independence on the Ottomans who finally sucked dick and where eventually kicked out, since revolts in every nook and cranny of Greece, in times where heroes and boors fought side to side, were launched). In other words, Elgin was the British ambassador in Greece at a time when the "official authorities" -from which he supposedly obtained a very controversial permission to remove architectural members and sculptures from the Acropolis area-, were ottoman. He removed half of the surviving sculptures of the Parthenon which he also managed to damage in the process, being fake and gay as he was, and took them to Britain where among fish & chips, "God save the Queen!"s and shitloads of tea they remain up until now.
↑↓ Elgin's loot in the British Museum.

Then again, the British Museum itself is a fine example of...err..BRITISH ARCHITECTURE!
↑ British Museum's monumental south entrance not resembling classical greek architecture.

After all this love towards the british culture and modern day National Art Treasures POW politics has been expressed it has to be said, just for the sake of ethnicistic hatred being directed towards the right nation, that Elgin was in fact a Scot. However, that is beside the point because kilts are awesome and we've all seen and liked Braveheart.

In the afternoon, we had the MOST BORING, SO BORING ITMAKESMEWANTTOWRITEINCAPSANDCAPSONLYGBVBNSILERFUBVUSXWKEFOV URBGCMAPSODVRNVSLXCHRBVKGD123456789876543212345678987654321, conversation of all times with a third party -caveman was making sounds to show he was following and I think I said a sentence or two each time I escaped my lethargy-, accompanied by the worst tea of all times (even though I still haven't figured out if it's tea I don't like or most types of tea, the rest agreed it was fucking horrible).
When that was over, I suggested going to the movies. It all went something like..
[me]---------------------------------> -wanna go see a movie? '_'
[U.S.A. manifactured assgoblin]-> -sure '_'
[me]---------------------------------> -I've wanted to see Toy Story 3 for quite some time... ^.^
[U.S.A. manifactured assgoblin]-> -PREDATORS! \m/ >o< \m/
[me]---------------------------------> -...plus it's said to be really good... \(^.^)/
[U.S.A. manifactured assgoblin]-> -PREDATORS! \m/ >o< \m/
[me]---------------------------------> -and I want to see it.. o.o
[U.S.A. manifactured assgoblin]-> -PREDATORZZZ! \m/ >o< \m/
[me]---------------------------------> -... meow? O.O
[U.S.A. manifactured assgoblin]-> -.... +.+ pre..? ... ?_? .... FINE!

And so, we played some arcades and then watched Toy Story 3, which "wasn't bad" after all. :3

Afterwards, we would have to run like motherfucks to catch the last bus to our next destination.. the "Suspended in the Air" Monasteries...
To be continued...

Ancient, Mutilated, Hauled And Still There When You Croak -DoSu'10 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

In The Beginning Was A Dick Move -DoSu'10

I should have been updating all you stalkers out there, but there was no time to do shit during the actual days of the douchebaggery project...
So, let the narration begin~

Day 1
In what would be remembered by future generations as a dick move, I never went to the airport. However, stalker international managed to locate me two hours after landing in my homeland.
My First impression (after an annoying tap on the shoulder): this isn't a dwarfish midget after all.
His First impression (after a haha-gotcha tap on the shoulder): this isn't flat. BOOBS.
After important facts such as my boobs turning around the corner before me and douchebag American being tall enough to appreciate enough degrees of arc from most spots of the horizon were scientifically established, I believe we started talking about all sorts of retarded shit we didn't really care about such as: how were the flights, where the fuck was I, what a rip-off exchanging money at the airport is, it's fucking hot, England sucks (to which a "sorry Dave" was added each time) etc. On our way, I offered some Devils and a Gordon's. That is official cigarettes and alkoholic beverage of vacations in Greece just cause I like them.
After ditching a couple of 10 months pregnant, with clothes that were surprisingly already stinky, bags at my dinky and after that stinky apartment, caveman took a shower ("I can't believe from all the things I could forget, I forgot the deodorant!" , "...shiiiiiiit") and we were out on our way for food. During food time, I think we were both observing the alien in front of us while continuing to talk (in these 20 days I don't think there ever was silence for more than 3 minutes when we were both awake; then again I don't think we ever properly slept ->"pass out" is more suitable). And later on climbed up on a spot where we had a good view of the Parthenon. I think we talked about mythology and then parents perhaps finding a link in the mythological gods or the mythological monsters theme.

View of the Parthenon from where we were sitting.

View of the Parthenon (special Olympics edition).

For whatever reason, we decided to walk all the way back to the trollhouse. My house that is. Paranormal activity involving a dog I've only seen once before, about a year ago, took place that night. I think that this dog is a messenger of some sort, but such shit just sounds retarded unless you've experienced it, so I won't elaborate. No one was bitten and we didn't bite anyone. I slept like a rock. Santa Midgetballs on the other hand didn't sleep a lot that night.

Day 2
I think I managed to pass out for like 4 hours before the distinctive fragrance of foreign douchebaggery filled my braindead head and I woke up. I went outside and got some breakfast, thus allowing Captain Tanoukiballs to taste what I usually have for breakfast. Well, it's not like he had many options, but anyway he liked it. Apparently, my taste in cigarettes, booze and food was well received that far, which meant all this wouldn't be awfully uncomfortable for any of us. Anyway, I thought it was about time to act like intellectuals and visit some museums, so we indeed paid a visit to the Acropolis Museum and the Coin Museum,

always walking around with style and elegance.

In the evening, we went to a park

and started dissing people on facebook who will probably read this. (Just for the record, I only showed less love towards female shitheads -you know who you are, eat shit and.. get fatter MWAHAHA). It is also true that we had some serious conversations dissing larger parts of society and talking about our futures. Once we got tired from dissing everything, we walked around town a bit and climbed up some paedo-rapey hills for a romantic for all the paedo-rapists sunset.

paedo-rapey sunset

Nothing romantic happened, but we did experience a once in a lifetime retarded event, when we witnessed a dog pee on its sitting owner. Wiser and hungrier we came down from the hills of enlightenment with just enough brain power to focus on table manners: Tzatziki sauce for the first time.

Once our HP were back to normal, we were of course ready for more douchebaggery...

To be continued...

In The Beginning Was A Dick Move -DoSu'10 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.