A Year Of Schism, Back For More

I'm back.
Back from New Mexico, back from New York, back from the New World. I travelled there for the purpose of asking one and only question and while doing so, I found myself stepping into another person's soundtrack and managing to fuse the music with my cinematics.

When I returned, I knew exactly what I want to do, both in my personal and professional life. In fact, it was so clear, it almost felt as if I was coming back from a stolen foresight of what I want to see myself being and doing.

.............

A year of blogging has passed. Coincidentally, it concurred with the end of an era for me. This new year isn't really new. I, however, am.

Having decisively realised what matters, not only means that I now know what really has no value for me at all, but that everything in my life needs to be reorganised so that priorities will be redistributed, former goals replaced or redefined and past cravings erased. My willpower is focused on bringing to life an explicit model of myself.

This was originally conceived as an academic, professional and financial timetable for the next two years to come, but ever since I returned, I realised that I have subconsciously adopted behaviours which I then turned into my "New Year's resolutions".

The zodiac signs have changed, we are closer to 2012, I actually like 2 Ke$ha songs, but the most groundbreaking thing of them all is that I ...quit smoking ....(!)

One day, I just stopped (in fact there's a half-full pack lying around since that early January day) and have never even thought about smoking again. The time and energy spent on smoking would have to be replaced by some equally b-role activity and since I dodged the nicotine bullet, I thought I should avoid the aspartame one as well. So, I started drinking water in whatever brain pause would be previously accompanied by a cigarette. The result was that I probably am the only person who quit smoking and lost weight. Noticing this, I started taking steps to make sure I would have a sculpted thin-ner body, as opposed to just becoming skinny. Since I was already thin and regularly worked out, the only thing I really had to do was keep up with it and be careful with my diet. At 174 cm / 5.7 feet, I now weigh 48 kg / 106 pounds.

That was all nice and shit, but to fully prove the point of change, one last unexplored territory remained. For years now, I've had and been identified with black, thick, waist long hair. Well, go pick it up the floor now! I got a new haircut, hairstyle and hair colour and I am very pleased with the way it turned out (as far as this particular change is concerned, I will continue working on it for a couple more months, till I get to the ULTIMATE hairstyle for me).

Conscious changes include a 90° turn in social affairs. Still having never done drugs and being extremely against personal experimentations of the kind (key word "personal" -I don't give a shit about what you 're doing to yourself), I am going to very-much-on-purpose sabotage any new, substance-using acquaintances for example.

..Yup, I DO think I'm better than you, I WOULD scoff in your face, we CAN'T all be friends, bite my ass and go pop a pill to deal with the pain.

If the junkie in question is female, I'll probably look down on her 50% more. Apart from being a bag of bones -sticking out in a sickly fashion- with three hair on her head and gollum eyes, this abomination will eventually give birth to a kid. Hopefully, she won't be too high to miss the fact that she became a mother.

To be honest, this naziness of mine is not newly founded. I have always looked down on drug users, but kept that part to myself. In retrospect, I wonder why.

So far, upon stating I do not do drugs, people never offered me stuff a second time, which I perceived as a sign of basic intelligence. Much to my surprise, the only person who glorified drugs to me and tried to offer me some, is someone who knew I don't use. As I said, I was too surprised by my misjudgement of character to react. From now on, anyone who tries to persuade me that drugs are the shit and offers to me while knowing I don't use, will be punched in the face. Period.

Anyway, this is a clear, frank and sharp "fuck off". Trying to justify behaviourisms I would never adopt (and ,in the pre-mentioned case, find disgusting), is something I really want to change about myself. Fuck "experimental open-mindedness", fuck equality and above of all fuck self-induced weaknesses, when it comes to this.

..............

Of course, the most serious and consciously planned changes are the ones regarding the career and relationship aspect of my life. As far as those are concerned, should I continue to feel the same way, I will be leaving everything I know behind, to start a new chapter, in a foreign environment, by the end of 2012.

....As for what exactly took place in America, I guess this will be revealed later on, and ,most certainly, after I stop being tortured by exams, once more. T.T

<- new hair!

A Year Of Schism, Back For More by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License. All PHOTOS are mine and are NOT TO BE USED WITHOUT PERMISSION.