15 December 2010
Douchebaggery, Winter 2010-2011
36 Hours Until DoWi'10-'11 Is Initiated. Tick, Tock.
@#$%T^*(*&^%$#@ @ #$%^!!!!!!! ......20 minutes later, the suitcase looks as if the wardrobe threw up in it and it still feels like the mountain of socks is taking the space of some other lost in oblivion ~something~. I chose the biggest suitcase I had, for this trip, partly because exploring a new continent has awoken feral instincts of immigration and partly because there's always the possibility I'll just buy too much useless shit -which will completely lose its appeal once I get back-.
I look at my suitcase monster with approval; it has wheels so dragging around my socks & stuff shall prove easy.
Character List of DoWi'10-'11
American Douchebag - American Douchebag was one of the protagonists of the prequel (DoSu'10) and since budget is tight, he will again have the leading role of the alpha douchebag male. Being an adventurous monkey, this U.S. manufactured assgoblin ended up in Europe where he met European Douchebag for the holy purpose of starting an international crusade of assholeness. During the process of collaborating in retarded shit and experiencing extreme situations, he proved himself to be an efficient and trustworthy caveman, getting shit done and bringing a certain level of savagery to everything. Fearless and brilliant in a rather retarded way, he resembles an onion in terms of multi-layer personality complexity and also stench.
European Douchebag - Having a more artistic taste in retardation than the American Douchebag, this other Douchebag-protagonist's brain is wired in a pointy unconventional way. Functioning like a mirror in terms of intuitive knowledge of the others and eating many lotuses, are things this Douchebag is notorious for. After a catastrophic ride on the roller coaster of obsessing with perfection and caring too much about this, that and the other, her venture in remaining lizard cool and turning all the past angst into carefully designed plans, succeeded in helping European Douchebag make a comeback in the Hall of Badass (as opposed to depressed) Laziness, well before meeting the American Douchebag; a timing perfect for them to both help each other reach their true potentials. Stubborn and adaptable, she resembles a magician's top hat: either something awesome will come out or a fan-aiming shit-thrower mechanism will be activated and the joke's on you.
Ned The Gun Nerd - Ned the Gun Nerd is an artist, proficient in the arcane physique of the human mind. A cult poet, visual artist and zombie killer, he pacifies the crowds with his pimp vibe. He likes shooting things as a means to balance his explosive creativity and on top of all of the above, he has good hair.
George The Veteran Of Useful Skills - George finally raises the age average of this toon pack, reinforcing it with experience and tried taste. His expertise in the field of movie making has mentally adorned him with a vast gallery of film references and quotes. His exceptional cooking will be put to the test when I arrive, since he has promised a special, custom-made feast (~happiness~).
Oh Mommy - The final boss. The one that determines whether you lose or win the game. The mother of the Douchebag American, in whose house I'll spend a big part of the Christmas holidays... God save us all. God save me, if "all" is not doable. In fact, I think I'll award myself with three war medals for the bravery of this endeavour, right now.
It is true that all the movie in-law related clichés will be put to the test. However, I have a few aces to pull out of my ass and anyway, it's fucking Christmas....hopefully I won't spend it in the garage.
Douchebaggery, Winter 2010-2011 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.