04 March 2010
Book That Explains Everything -Chapter about Jobs.
The Optimist says: Your boss/es is/are (one of) those people who have both the power and the potential to make you view God as a spiritual facebook where you can post status updates about the most recent cause of your misery.
The Cynic says: Your boss/es is/are the manifestation either of the big bad wolf because they look fun till you realise they have eaten quite a few red riding hoods or of Cruella DeVil because they behave like this-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJI7qhk3_Rk .
Just be ostentatious for 8 hours and always remember that smiling IS a way to show your teeth after all.
That's you. Feel free to add all of your good qualities in the definition.
Fellow slaves and therefore potential allies in a mutiny. You are allowed to be promiscuous when your shift's over.
Something to do and feel cooler than your friends who sit on their ass all day (what you also did before your glorious days as an employee). In terms of payment it's close to slavery, at least at my age (20 years old). It is recommended for anyone who needs new ways to prove the existence of a sence of independence and self-worth. You know; all the I-can-manage-on-my-own crap. It is impossible to keep a job unless you have some very near-term goals (=you are desperate for cash).
Act as if you smell your favourite flowers during the entire process. Looking like a pleasant, kind person is 1/3 of the lying you have to do. Another 1/3 is that no matter what you have to appear as a clever individual. Be quick witted and funny and make sure your eyes look more vivacious than a fish's. Your general body language should give off signs of someone alive as well.
Final 1/3 of the lying that along with other things will lead you to hell where you can join me: that's trickier than the rest, but you have to make sure you look pretty. By "pretty" I basically refer to looking like the rest of the people who work where you wish to be hired. The standards of what's attractive are in front of you each time you enter your ~future workplace~.
Lack Of Experience
At first it looks like a problem. In reality it's not the lack of experience that might cause you problems. The lack of I.Q. points and a dandy set of boobs will.
Salary (at 20 years old)
Amount of money you get in exchange for being young and being there. And doing something too.
Salary (how to get a satisfactory one)
Did you ever have any ambitions towards visual arts? Now it's your chance as an aspiring actor/-ress to star in a dramatic series called "My life as an impoverished college student". You have the leading role and your job is to portray all real and imaginary difficulties someone like you has, when discussing the details of your salary. Improvisation, emotional expressiveness and the ability to generate affectionate responses from your audience (employer) are required. An artistically created set of upper torso assets, could be viewed as a helping device in acting.
Whatever the case and after you have used all of your bargaining techniques, you will still be paid in a fashion that suggests you fall under the category "Slaves, Tools & Other Idiots". But, as I said, getting a job is 50% about the sense of DOING SOMETHING with your life (independent young adult etc.) and 50% about the cash. So, you will at least feel as if you have some control after the alleged bargaining (you can only bargain up to a point and boobs can only be perfect to a certain extent).
A theater. You take up many roles that may range from not like you to nothing like you. If you give a hell of a performance, you'll become a star.
Book That Explains Everything -Chapter about Jobs. by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.