Seems like a good day to GO KICK ASS!

13 May 2010

Caterpillar With Butterfly Wings

It took me 10 years of being a 65% asexual, 6 years of being a deluded partly due to hormones
and partly due to misleading myths -generously provided by parents/ friends/ movies- teen and 4 years of working as a shit distributing ditcher/ ditched dysfunctional young adult to finalize my theory on the behaviour of the sexes. The results of this ambitious empirical project are:

1) Men can not understand women.

2) Women can not understand men.

3) Anyone in between understands both, but it usually takes them too long to figure out themselves.

There is no solution. -You lose.

There is no cure. -You die.

There are no secrets, no tips, no promising methods.

There isn't even perversion, because there is no "normal" behaviour.

If , however, I had to make some definite remarks, those would have to be:
  • Men get bored by women as easily as they get intimidated by them, even though they hardly ever know what they want.
  • Women try too hard even though they never know what they want.
  • I'm sorry for all you ugly motherfuckers out there, looks DO matter. BUT->
  • No matter if you look like the two-headed retard product of incest, you're still in ~the game~ as long as you keep in mind that good hygiene is very, very, VERY important.
  • Women just HAVE to shave.
  • People shouldn't be wasting brain cells philosophizing about what they like and why they like it because you always end up liking the exact opposite sooner or later. They should however state to the idiot standing in front of them, how long they are willing to put an effort to the whole process, from the very beginning of the attempted approach that will hopefully lead to the degeneration of the idiot. Also known as romantic relationship in its best form.
  • It's quite impressive that we make things more complicated than maths considering that in the end of the day, we all are breathing, walking, problematic shitbags with the same insecurities and more or less the same issues. Our fucked up-o-meter should be the thing to unite us in the moments of uncertainty and awkwardness about how to approach each other. We should begin conversations with icebreakers like "man, I feel fat as shit today because ____(<-insert insecurity/ cause of depression) has fucked me up and now I sometimes have this do-or-die urge to eat sweets with more calories than my I.Q. multiplied by itself will ever be... plus, going to the gym doesn't make me feel healthier -it just feels like I'm torturing the fatass in me", "I want a rebound partner to recover from my previous abusive relationship and I want him/her NOW", "sometimes I get so disappointed by people that I think I should paint smiley faces on my toe nails, so that I can have some understanding and accomplished individuals in my life" or "occassionally I spend so much time online that by the time I finally log out, I'm convinced I'll soon have to be watered twice a week". In fact I believe this could solve many problems.
  • No matter how good you are at expressing yourself and generally speaking knowing what the fuck is going on with yourself, most of us are worse than babies: we don't know if we're hot or cold, hungry or thirsty~> in love on in lust, in lust or have a crush, have a crush or are in love, are genuinely attracted to the other person or just bored as fuck.
  • I have to invent an emotional thermometer that will be defining what exactly it is that people are feeling. This will make me a billionaire and then I'll be adopting children from Africa or Asia. Most probably I'll adopt no one though and just spend it all in pointless purchases with little hope of changing the world for the best.
  • In life -let alone in relations-, it's not about being clever, shrewd or dumb as fuck. It's not about being daring or being a pussy. It's not about being an optimist or a pessimist. It's not about S or M. It's about being a "never" or an "always" person.

According to this latest bullshit theory of mine, the main distinction between people my age, nowadays, is this:

"Never" (AGAIN) people are the heavily disappointed misanthropes who at some point unfairly -according to them- ate shit and declare that they will "NEVER, EVER" do something again.

"Always" people are the heavily disappointed misanthropes who at some point unfairly -according to them- ate shit and declare that from now on they will always have a certain mentality/ attitude; a take all, maim all and fuck all cosmotheory.

In other words, everyone has been fucked over by pretty much everyone else, but the difference is that "never" people shut down in a persistently depressive manner and reduce everything to shit by choosing to keep a distance from the main events experience so far has proven to be the highlights of social life, whereas "always" people reduce everything to shit by accepting e v e r y t h i n g to the extreme. Overpartying both metaphorically and literally speaking.

That being said, I'm not sure this really is about two different categories. I think it's two subsequent phases, "always" being the stage of the deadly disease called life, that follows "never". So, it's Never-> Always for the more stubborn and a vicious circle of never and always for the indecisive.

Personally I'm somewhere in between those two phases, still having some nevers left, but an overkill attitude as well. I kinda feel like a caterpillar with butterfly wings. Freaky mutation released to cruelly reject, but also chase pleasure for the sake of it.

Having "nevers" means one is self-contradictory because at some point you're doomed to cross those personal lines. Besides, if you've done it in the past, you've already pushed the repeat button subconsciously... or frankly are not strong enough to not push it later on.

The "always" overkills on the other hand are a fast way to self-destruction, which for the religious can be translated as "fast way to HELL".

My advice to all of you out there? Burn bitches. Burn and let others burn, BUT try not to "burn" others.

~Bonus Feature~
Never/ Always Quiz


  • reading this made you think of old flames/ exes / disastrous past relationships and what you should have done/ said or what-to-dos regarding present crushes, and also got you in a melancholic mood
  • you were offended by the language used
  • you predict a long, hard road ahead of me but can't be arsed to warn me




  • you think everything mentioned in this post was an enormous, gigantic, colossal pile of shit and already are on your way to get more booze



Creative Commons License
Caterpillar With Butterfly Wings by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.


  1. So,
    If I happen to think everything mentioned in this post was an enormous, gigantic, colossal pile of pure awesomeness.. but still on my way to get more booze.

    where does it put me? [=

  2. It puts you in the ~AWESOME~ category ;P
    Other than that, leaning towards never... but we already suspected that.. he he