Public Transport Happy Hour

I suffer from a condition which I would not exactly call enochlophobia (=fear of crowds). I don't mind being around a lot of people, as long as it is not the same people. Airports for example are not a potentially troublesome area. Using public transport on the other hand provides a way more predictable scenery...
I was standing at the metro station the other day, waiting with the typical paedo-looking guy, kids upon whom the paedo-looking guy was preying, old farts who always get the seats and the chicks/bros who either want to talk to you, or you want to talk to them, so you all bravely deal with the situation by developing a verbal vomit reflex, saying the inevitable-bullshit-that's-completely-out-of-ANY-subject-and-supposedly-makes-you-look-smart, to the lucky friend who happens to be with you, while glance-flirting to make sure that your efforts don't go unnoticed.
In such delighful assemblies there's always some bored/perverted person who stares at you, someone who looks at you as if you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants (at some point you realise that you had been introduced once upon a time and that he/she is taking notes of how much you've changed) and some yappie with a blackberry extension of their left/right/left and right hand.
Also, it is common courtesy that when using any means of public transport everyone has to look ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE (unless you're in the glance-flirting mode). It is also a matter of fact that even if you strip naked/fart/get raped/severely mutilated/ and/or assassinated nobody's gonna give a flying fuck (well, maybe if you strip naked someone will).
People whom I never have the pleasure to encounter:

• Someone who looks like they could win a Nobel prize.


• Someone who is not thinking the same as anybody else is, in the nearby area.


• Someone who is not thinking about the way they look to other people.


• Someone who is not thinking about something that could be subtitled in $$$.


• Someone who is just thinking "wow, I'm having fun"... and is not high.

If you're just good at spotting the problem, you're a common mortal. If you causing it, you're a rockstar. If you're actually suggesting a solution, you're most probably full of shit, but achieve transcendence anyway.

So, as far as the moronic public transportation situation is concerned, I propose inventing shoes with incorporated T.V. screens into the toe caps, that will enable us to avoid having to look at the shit faces of our co-travellers which remind us of our own. That, or we actually learn to create a less egoistic, more humane aura that turns stalking into actual socializing, and understand that being entitled to your own personal misery doesn't mean you have to show it.

People are not sheep because they look the same. People stop being individuals the moment they start creating an atmosphere where it is o.k. to think in the same way. So, yeah it bothers me to be around people who only happen to have different hairstyles and accessories, because this whole situation, either progressively makes you a zombie in terms of originality and imagination, or creates the false impression to others that they "know" you.

If you want to get to know me, come and talk to me. And for fuck's sake, let's walk.


Public Transport Happy Hour by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Greece License.