Seems like a good day to GO KICK ASS!

09 December 2010

If You Are A White American/ African American/ Mexican/ Native American/ Alien* And Not Mortally Offended By Sentence 6, Read To The End

*in order of appearance

[Quick Summary of previous post]
Having flown with Dussenbagen Stukas Airlines of the Proud German Nation for a little less than 20 hrs, I am expected to finally land at an airport of the American Southwest. There, after the typical strip show for @$*?#&! airport security, I will be joined by that American asshole I thought I got rid of after summer and we will proceed in starting to fuck shit up in extreme ass freezing temperatures, once I properly have a beauty sleep. At some point I will have my debut in a circle of his friends ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrMRmEeCfJM ) and all will be dandy.

The Southwest Marlboro Man In The Eyes Of A European
Years of thorough research (watching movies) have taught me that the people of the Southwest are very hospitable, a bit nosy, great cooks of homemade pies and splendid late afternoon porch banjo players (while black people collect cotton from the fields). I was however notified that the situation has now changed and that now Mexicans seem to be more qualified for manual labor. I have faith in the essential decency of the white man's judgement, so I'm sure this is all for the best -I'll just make sure to follow the proper etiquette by using my whip on Mexicans, instead of being outdated and doing so on African Americans.
American correspondences also notify me that the general area is a bit gang infested -many of which are in fact of Hispanic origins-. Since I am unaware of the local gang names and differences, I will collectively think of them as ~The Chupacabras~ and in case of gun shooting, side with the man who has a silver star on his chest. Just to be safe, I will also practise vital phrases such as "YO NO SOY GRINGA!!", which will be used in a high-pitched, pleading voice if all goes to shit. Generally speaking though, I should be careful of the way I handle my affairs in the Southwest, since everyone there seems to have six friends who run faster than me.

I Hope My Totem Is Not The Cockroach
Proving successful in understanding the delicate balances of racial matters of the American modern-day culture should obviously be easy for me, but I am also interested in learning more about Native Americans. Indeed, not much is taught about the various tribes who proudly used to roam the American plains, in this side of the Atlantic. From what little I know, the Navajos seemed to be some mighty fine asskickers. I just hope I can get something closer to the real deal than a 5$ show or a visit to a casino owned by Indians. I must also refrain from accidentally killing Pocahontas by.. dunno sneezing -a method tested by my, in all accounts soap allergic, European plague-y ancestors-.

Abducting An Alien
But who really cares about all that shit when Roswell is in proximity! U.f.o.'s, cattle mutilations, E.T. phone home and all that jazz in the Mecca of ufologists, New Mexico, are of course a must-see for the thirsty-to-spend-money tourist! In this case, I am not sure as to what sort of preparation I must do, aside from rewatching a few X-Files episodes perhaps. If the truth is out there, then it surely must be out there in New Mexico. I hope they are friendly.

Getting My Ass Bitten By A Rattlesnake
When it comes to the wildlife, North America will offer me the opportunity of learning about species that can't be found anywhere else in the world. IS THIS SHIT EXCITING OR WHAT! I mean, aside from the cultural aspects of the museum roaming, I also want to find out more about their animals and, why not, plants (or combine things by finding out more about the stuff that is smoked in peace pipes).

Explanatory Note
By now, you might have developed the feeling that I'm speaking a bit.. tongue in cheek I dare say. The story behind this is that after the 5 seconds of extreme jealousy and hatred experienced by anyone who hears that I'm travelling to the U.S.A. this winter, they naturally ask "where exactly". When the Southwest is mentioned among the places I'm visiting, a blank stare follows, quickly accompanied by the question "... and what the fuck will you do there??". All of the above is pretty much my answer. Even though I of course am not exactly dead serious, it has to be made clear that if I didn't find North America a very interesting continent to explore, I wouldn't travel there in the first place (economic crisiiis hellooo! -no money for needless faggotries).
I am a traveller by nature since I have been travelling to foreign countries since the age of two and also by choice since I'd literally rather starve for some time if that means saving up money for a trip. Also, whoever thinks that a place, no matter where that place is and no matter if you risk getting shot by ~The Chupacabras~, getting bitten in the ass by a bear or abducted by aliens, has nothing to offer and won't affect you in ways thrillingly unimaginable, is a damn brute and should go back to his cave -'nuff said.
I've wanted to visit the U.S.A. for quite some time now and one way or the other, this IS going to be a life experience. After all, everyone who lives in a western/-ized society might not be a Christian and a democrat...
EVERYONE wants to live the American dream though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnepPZChA5U ! :)

In The Next Episode:
-Character Dynamics & Analysis
-Revealment of The Final Boss

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If You Are A White American/ African American/ Mexican/ Native American/ Alien* And Not Mortally Offended By Sentence 6, Read To The End by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

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